High School. That was some 20 odd years ago, but who's counting right? I was the peppy, high spirited girl with the smile always. I wasn't particularly mean to anyone. You can ask any of my million facebook friends from High School and they might say the same thing. I may have even gotten the reputation of party girl at one point. I have no idea how that got around. In all sense I was figuratively the typical teenager.
Except for one thing, everyone perceived me as just the peppy, happy girl. They had no idea that I struggled for a very long time with my appearance. I wanted to be that stick straight girl that all the other girls were. Self conscious does not even begin to explain how I looked at myself. These days that would be could called body morphic disorder. Fat, plump, thunder thighs, and boobs. This is what I saw staring at me in the mirror. Do you see the picture above? That's me, fat. Yes F-A-T. What I would give to be that fat again. I really hated my body. It seems ridiculous now that I look at this picture. Yes, my body was different than everyone else in school. My body was that of a typical Latina. Hips, legs and a chest. Heredity was the owner of that body.
I was the typical teenager alright. Wanting to fit in anywhere, not comfortable in my own skin. Awkward feeling inside and out. Did I mention that in high school I suppressed a lot of what my brain could accomplish? I wasn't a genius by no means. I was however fairly intelligent. I limited the things I could do so as not to appear as geeky as I truly was. I have always been and will always be a geek at heart.
I wish this song would have come out while I was in high school:
I would have more confidence in knowing that there was more than just being pretty or peppy or well liked by everyone.
So what has changed? I don't give a rats ass what people think of me or how they perceive me anymore. It's been a long road, but I've learned that people will see you the way they want to see you. You however know deep down inside who you are. I wish my mom could have explained that to me as a teenager. I think that's why it's my mission to tell my kids that you will feel left out of certain crowds in high school and that you will second yourself many many times. The only thing they need to know is to trust their heart and know that whoever they are...they will always be amazing to the important people in their lives. Themselves.
Who were you in High School? Would you let your child be the same way in High School?